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Vonnegut, the Vikings and Levels of Hell PDF Print E-mail
Fantasy Football Blog
Written by Brian Joura   
Monday, 25 January 2010 01:09
If the NFC Championship game seemed painful, that's because it was.  Here I turn to Science Fiction and Greek Mythology to help put it in perspective.

 Sunday night, Brian Joura became unstuck in time.  Although, unlike Billy Pilgrim and the Tralfamadorians in Slaughterhouse Five, my nonlinear self cannot see in four dimensions.  Unfortunately, I think, although perhaps it is better this way.

Instead, the only dimension I see is the past.  I watch the Vikings commit five turnovers against the Saints and suddenly it is 1971 and they are losing the NFC Championship Game to the Cowboys, as despite outgaining Dallas, 311-183, Minnesota commits five turnovers and loses.  I watch Brett Favre throw a key interception in the final seconds of regulation and it is now 2007 and Favre is turning the ball over to end the Packers’ title hopes.

Before the day started, I was thinking about a Vikings-Jets Super Bowl.  Of all teams in the NFL, the Vikings have the worst record (1-7) against the Jets.  But I remember that win.  I am unstuck again, this time it is 1975 and Joe Blahak (pronounced Blah-hah, perhaps as close to Joe Blow as we'll ever get) blocks a punt that rolls through the end zone for a safety, giving Minnesota a 22-21 lead, in a game they go on to win 29-21.

The Tralfamadorians, living in four dimensions, know everything about their lives, including how the world eventually ends.  Understandably, this leads them to believe in predestination and to scoff at the notion of free will.  Instead, their mantra is to choose to concentrate on the happy moments of their life.  Forgive me as I try to channel Blahak’s blocked punt again.

I exercised free will when I became a Vikings fan.  My older brother was a Jets fan and because of that I became one, too.  But I got tired of Joe Namath getting hurt all of the time and the Jets failing to match their Super Bowl glory.  I announced to my brother that I was no longer a Jets fan and that I was now a Giants fan.  He laughed, and told me that was ridiculous, because I couldn’t name one guy on the Giants.

“Fran Tarkenton,” I shouted.  My brother smirked and told me he was on the Vikings.  “Well, then I’m a Vikings fan.”  The Jets were dead to me; so it goes.

The upgrade from the Jets to the Vikings was substantial.  I’m forever grateful that I did not have to root for Carl Barzilauskas or Richard Todd.  Instead my team had the electric Chuck Foreman, the famed Purple People Eaters defense and of course, Tarkenton.

But my free will apparently came with a price.  It seems there was a clause that my defection triggered.  A small boy who only wanted a team that didn’t rely on a perpetually injured star was relegated to a Sisyphean existence with his new team.  I am positive that my third grade self was unaware of the word “avaricious” much less that it could possibly be applied in this situation.

Sisyphus, if you recall your Greek mythology, was a crafty man who regularly tricked the gods, even Zeus.  Finally, Zeus relegated Sisyphus to an existence of predetermined failure.  Sisyphus had to roll a giant rock up a hill but just before he reached the top, the rock would get away and roll down again, forcing Sisyphus to start from the beginning.

Since I am unstuck in time, let me rate the top failures, the times when I had some faith that the Vikings were actually getting the rock to the top this time.

8. Super Bowl XI – It’s always painful to lose in the Super Bowl, but they didn’t really deserve to beat the Raiders.

7. Super Bowl VIII – It’s always painful to lose the Super Bowl, but they didn’t really deserve to beat the Dolphins.

6. 2000 NFC Championship Game – It’s doubtful that this team would have been able to beat the Ravens, but losing to a nothing special Giants team quarterbacked by Kerry Collins was pretty cruel.  That they got shut out, 41-0, is still mind boggling.

5. 1998 NFC Championship Game – An overtime loss at home is a cruel way to have your season end.  And to add insult to injury, the Vikings squandered numerous chances to win the game.  That their field goal kicker who hadn’t missed all year blew a chip shot at the end of regulation is the part that rips my heart out.  I am only slightly consoled by the fact that Minnesota got beat up in this game and would have had a hard time beating Denver.

4. Super Bowl IX – You would like to think that if your defense held the other team to two touchdowns that you could win the game.  But the Vikings offense looked scared the entire day.  I still have the scrapbook I kept of this season.  I have it, but it’s too painful to look at, even today.

3. 1987 NFC Championship Game – They beat the Saints when no one gave them a chance.  They beat Joe Montana and the 13-2 49ers when no one gave them a chance.  They stood toe to toe with the Washington Redskins and were driving for the game-tying score only to drop a certain touchdown pass with under a minute to play.  And my roommate was a Redskins fan.  And Washington went on to trounce Denver in the Super Bowl.  This one was unbelievably painful.

2. 2009 NFC Championship Game – Even with all of the killer turnovers and the injury to Favre which severely compromised his mobility (and Troy Aikman thought he should have ran on that third-down play!), the Vikings were a brain-fart penalty away from a field goal attempt to go to the Super Bowl.  The game was excruciating enough by itself, but just to add another level of torment to it – I have free tickets to this year’s game.  I should have been seeing the Vikings.  Both the defense and I deserved a better fate.

1. 1975 NFC Divisional Game – They say you never forget your first girl.  What you really never forget is the first time a sporting event rips your heart out and stomps on it.  While the 1974 season ended with the offense in the toilet, the 1975 squad had an outstanding offensive team.  The Dallas defense played great in this game.  But the offense still put together a big drive in the fourth quarter to take the lead.  And then the pass interference play that wasn’t called cost the Vikings the game.  This can never be topped in my book.

If I could see in four dimensions, would I be able to time travel to the future and see a Vikings Super Bowl win?  Or would I be forever resigned to the rock getting away from me at the last moment?

Sometimes I think there are no words but these to tell what’s true – Poo-tee-weet.
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still . . . .
written by rita, January 26, 2010
Nobody loses as colossally as the Buffalo Bills. 4 consecutive super bowls where they can't pull it together. The Music City Miracle. The recent Monday Night Game against the Cowboys after years of not being invited back to MNF. Not just Sisyphus nearing the top, but Sisyphus Bill gets a centimeter, a millimeter from summitting and lets you believe he can do it and then it rolls back. As I was watching the game with Minnesota fans and the Vikings got the ball back I saw hope in their eyes, I reminded them what the Bills have taught us all: Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter. But, we never do. I think all of us beleagereds -- cubs fans, bills fans, vikings fans -- were all united in our grief. At least the Lions never lead you on! When will we ever learn.
Brian Joura
...
written by Brian Joura, January 25, 2010
Thanks Boris. Neither team really deserved to win this game. The Vikings outplayed the Saints (I don't care what Brees' QB rating was, the Vikings defense did a great job and made him look ordinary) but you don't deserve to win when you turn the ball over five times.

As for OT, the one that got me was the first down call. The replay showed the ball getting dislodged and it was at waist level when his progress was stopped. There wasn't enough visual evidence I guess to overturn it, but I doubt he made the first down.
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written by BorisFrom Downunder, January 25, 2010
Brian, as a Saints fan, I do feel for you. The last quarter, or the last couple of minutes at least - WAS excruciating. I had resigned myself to the fact that it was yet another Saints failure, that even though this was clearly a different Saints team that had been trotted out in the past, it was still going to end in pain. I am also a Cub fan, so I know pain. I don't only know it, I have come to expect it. When Favre threw the interception, I stared at the TV, incredulous that the game was not lost, yet. Then came the coin toss, I knew that the Saints HAD to win it, because after all, it was Brett Favre, right? They kept showing Favre sitting on the sidelines, as if it was written. Then , "TAIL 'em up" I shouted (us Aussies know a thing or two about coin tosses, two-up is our game after all). Tails it was, and I started to think - can we really win this? From the first play, nothing was easy. Every play was reviewed, a long, painful, review. When Robert Meachem caught the ball on third down, I was sure he had the first down. Then , the replay. Wow. Maybe he didn't have it. More pain, as it was 4th and inches. Please, oh PLEASE get the first down I prayed. As Pierre Thomas launched himself over the pack, I was sure he had it. Then the replay - how in the hell did he keep control of that ball when it smashed into the helmet, I will never know. First down, phew. I kept seeing Garrett Hartley's stats, "Long in 2009 - 38 yards". Then they show a replay of him shanking one against Tampa, and I am feeling sick again. Excrutiating. The prior pass interfence call looked dodgy, like so many in not only this, but many games have. Wow, that was lucky.... maybe we can do it. As Hartley lined up for the kick, I felt absolutely sick for the kid. If he misses, what will they do to him? Unreal. No pressure kid! As soon as he hit it, it looked dead centre - I raised my arms in the air - it's over. The excrutiating, beautiful pain is over. Well, for two weeks anyway.

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