You see, Matt Damon had it all wrong. I say: Bask in the glory of your older brother. Accept who you are. Don't get bitter. If you get bitter, then you lose the girl that you love, you lose the college scholarship and you have to pal around with Ben Affleck.

No… I will be competing in the slim competition that is the "blogger league."  

We all know what this means.  

The stated invitation to write for FP911 went something like this: "Rob, we love your writing, and we want you to write about the expert league." Sweet! 

The unstated invitation: "Rob, we liked your writing enough last year that we will humor you by setting up a league of fantasy losers -- yourself included -- so you can write about your own exploits that we don't give a damn about… but, please, put more focus on the 'experts' who really know what they're doing." 

But, I'm no Matt Damon. I can see the silver lining. I'm the good younger brother who will ride my older brother FantasyPros911's coattails to fantasy baseball greatness. I will become so good that people will refer to me not as fantasy baseball "expert," but as fantasy baseball "sexpert."

You see, dear reader, in our expert league, we will be able to learn from some of the biggest names in the fantasy baseball industry, both on radio and in print. 

There's Jeff Erickson of Rotowire.com. There's Todd Zola from Mastersball.com and Perry Van Hook from fantasybaseball.com. Derek Carty of HardballTimes.com. Lawr Michaels of creativesports.com. Mike Lombardo of wiseguybaseball.com. Mike Harmon of Fox Sports Radio. Jason Collette of fanball.com. Adam Ronis of newsday.com. And, of course, no expert league is complete without Geoff Stein of mockdraftcentral.com, who I swear has been in every expert league draft that I have ever seen or heard about in the last five years. 

I'm a big fan of Geoff Stein. But, how could you not be? You see his name in so many fantasy websites and publications that the continual presence of his name starts to feel like that dirty, stinky baby blankie that you used to carry around with you everywhere you went. It is just so bloody comfortable and filled with your stink that you can't help but love it. And, so, you can't help but love Geoff Stein. 

This, of course, begs the question. Does Geoff Stein have anything better to do? Does Geoff Stein ever get up off of his chair to do something other than mock drafts and expert league play? Well, me and you, my dear reader… we're going to find out!  

We're going to delve into the experts' minds and cull for the kind of baseball wisdom that will make us superb fantasy players. I will meticulously analyze just what makes these experts tick. 

Of course, I will also nitpick their every lousy move, analyzing in hindsight how my own moves would have fared much better… that their feeble minds hardly rise up to the fantasy greatness that resides so comfortably in this big noggin of mine… that they have no business taking MY spot in the "experts" league because I'm so much more money of an "expert." 

Ahem. I need to get a glass of water and take a few deep breaths. 

Thank you for waiting. 

Yes, dear reader, I will take you on a journey to learn the experts' strategy and tactics to better our own play. Or, you and I will just get entertained by making fun of them.

There's Rudy Gamble of razzball.com, who will probably complain that he should be writing these articles because he is much funnier. And, that just might be true. But, I will wipe the fantasy floor with him. There's Mike Podhorzer who is really nothing more than Patrick DiCaprio with hair. There's Marc Edelman of fantasysportsjudge.com and Jason Sarney of fantasyphenoms.com. There's Zac "Finkle and" Steinhorn of mlb.com, who I imagine will get plenty more Ace Ventura references in the future. And, then there's Mike Kuchera of fantasyman.com. 

Mike has apparently made it his mission to be the next Geoff Stein. I want to call him Geoff Stein, Jr. because I'm starting to see him everywhere. This is the same Mike Kuchera, by the way, who I considered suing for hearing loss in 2006. I had just listened to his first podcast and he nearly blew my ears out with his ridiculously loud intro that put Robin Williams' "Goooooooood Mooooooorning Vietnam" to shame. He has since changed this to the benefit of his listeners and to the dolefulness of personal injury lawyers the world over.

Back to the blogger league, this is -- in reality -- no slim competition. That is, it is not slim competition for most. It is most certainly slim competition for me. 

FantasyPros911 will rue the day that they did not include me in their "experts'" league. This "sexpert" is going to run away with the bloggers' league so dominantly that the FantasyPros911 folk will be begging me to join their expert league next year. They will eat crow so fully that they will burp black feathers.

Do you have an expert or blogger who you would like to hear about first? Let me know in the comments!

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Comments (17)

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written by Jason Collette, January 17, 2009

Wow - thanks

Rob sent me a questionnaire and I feel like I just wrote an autobiography in return but I think he has enough to go from.

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written by Rudy Gamble, January 13, 2009

I'm funny. Funny how? You mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to f-in' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? How the f*** am I funny, what the f*** is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!

If you think you're slighted being in the B-league, how do you think I feel? Podhorzer? I already beat him in last year's Razzball league. And I don't know Mike Kuchera very well but his fantasyman.com site is the gayest fantasy baseball site i've ever seen (and that includes this site).

Rudy out.

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written by RobReed, January 06, 2009

Oh, Joe. I think you have just helped me with another article. I started responding to you, and was working on a novel before I realized that it was enough to fit DiCaprio's slavemaster word quota.

Answer to come.

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written by RobReed, January 06, 2009

I hear Rudy is a master debater.

/oh, i'm just filled with the quips today!

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written by RobReed, January 06, 2009

Five words: Chill. Hair Club For Men.

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written by RobReed, January 06, 2009

Jason (I mean anonymous):

Good idea!

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www.Masterballs.com
written by tonycincotta, January 06, 2009

Todd,

Sorry about that. Make sure you guys check out Todd Zola's great stuff at www.Mastersball.com.

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written by ToddZ, January 06, 2009

For the record, I am no longer with FantasyBaseball.com and have relaunched Mastersball.

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written by Patrick DiCaprio, January 06, 2009

it will be fun no doubt; what we really need is to have an expert league podcast every week. if only someone would do it. waiting for tony's new show in five...four...three....

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written by Patrick DiCaprio, January 06, 2009

calling someone a "guru" or worse yet a "true guru" has plenty of bad connotations around here...

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written by JoeLano, January 06, 2009

Hey guys just kidding with post above I guess I'm just bitter about being on the free content side of the site, and to hear Rob whine about his status got me...nevermind. Anyway, if you want a good laugh with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLG3S5WzHig

then click on the Ben Affleck response video.

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written by JoeLano, January 06, 2009

I have always wondered Rob, how does one become an "expert"? Is there a test you need to take? Do papers need to be filed with some branch of our government? Can you just put the word "guru" at the end of your name?

Honestly Rob, I have absolutely no idea who the hell these guys are, nor do I know who you are. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, them I know! Any chance of getting them to play in a league? Now that would be awesome!

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written by MikePodhorzer, January 06, 2009

Though I hesitate to complement him after such an upsetting comment above, I consider it an honor to be compared to our General, Patrick DiCaprio.

And if nothing else, this Blogger league is going to be quite the comedy routine with both Rudy and Rob involved.

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Rob is amazing
written by tonycincotta, January 06, 2009

Guys,

With that kind of article, what can you say ! This league is destined for greatness. I hope Rob does well and keeps his spirits up. I look forward to a Rudy Gamble and Rob Reed debate.

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written by Pat DiCaprio, January 06, 2009

Why did you insult me by equating me with Podhorzer? Dont you know how sensitive I am... sniff, Sniff, sniff. :cheer:

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written by big o, January 06, 2009

i forgot to attach my name to the above request.
i enjoyed this 1st article and your confidence , as well , rob .

is anyone making book on the experts league ?
somebody (perhaps someone a bit less "sensitive" than you , rob) who knows these guys should be able to handicap the action , both pre and post draft .

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written by a guest, January 06, 2009

i'd like to hear more about jason collette (expert league). he's made a lot of sense on the podcasts that i've heard . also , i have been following his play in slow mock drafts over at couchmanagers.com ... a truly free site .

rudy gamble (blogger league) from razzball.com , because i enjoy his site and want to see the practical application of his player projection concept.

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