FOR%: percentage of foreign-born players who arrived in the States by raft (likely Cuban
defectors)

FOD%: percentage of foreign-born players who arrived in the States by donkey (likely will be the Messiah)

FRO%: used in some fantasy leagues to measure speed reduction due to substantial hair growth... all-time leader is Oscar Gamble, followed closely by Bake McBride and Manny Ramirez

MNBM%: calculates those rare occurrences when Manny is not being Manny

NOFRO%: measures speed increase from less wind resistance as a result of fewer hair follicles... if Hall of Fame entry were judged solely on this stat, Jay Buhner would be a shoe in

FIB: number of lies told in postgame press conference.

xFIBs: number of lies told about player injuries... Mark Prior and Kerry Wood are tied for the MLB record with 1,211

TCASTs:  usually a statistic that favors the more wealthy ballplayers because of believability factor... number

TCAST%: percentage of true TCAST trysts... determined by calculating the number of actual such trysts (xTCASTs, or true TCASTs) divided by TCASTs... Randy Johnson, Kent Tekulve, and the Reuschel brothers are tied for the lowest percentages in MLB history

MF:  amount of energy that has been sucked out of a player as a result of their dating Madonna.... "the Madonna Factor..." players affected substantially are commonly referred to as "MF'ers" (see Alex Rodriguez)

STD%: amazingly accurate predictor of days on the DL, determined by the formula (number of STDs acquired + dosage of penicillin in milligrams) divided by (TTCASTs/TCASTs)... the aforementioned MF'er Alex Rodriguez is rising in the rankings

TIG:  the number of TIGs is determined by the number of tips that a given player has placed into a stripper's g-string... Andruw Jones is the all-time career leader... heck, he can't hit on balls anymore, but he is stellar at hitting on strippers

DUI%: the percentage of time a player drives under the influence.

CARAYs: the number of times a baseball talking head mispronounces a name... the all-time leader is, of course, the statistic's namesake, followed closely by Lenny Melnick (no joke... he referred to Xavier Nady as Xavier NAUGHTY on a recent blogtalkradio show)... keep it up Lenny... you're only 1,023,293 mispronunciations behind the leader.  Holy Cow!

TPRs: third person references... Rickey Henderson has over ten times as many career TPRs as he has SBs, thereby making him a shoe-in on hall of fame ballots

AMDs:  the AMD is a measure of player exhaustion... at some point in time, I suspect every player will have an AMD measure... at present time, it is limited to about 70% of the league... the AMD stat , of course, is the number of Alyssa Milano Dates... any wonder why Barry Zito, Carl Pavano, and Brad Penny have had notable statistical regressions? Standard "experts: might throw out some FIPs and BABIPs.  Now you know the AMD truth.

BABIP$:  Benjamins avoided per ball in play... the BABIP$ is generally higher among players on small market teams like the Royals and the Pirates... it is a statistic loved by cheap owners throughout the league

BWBIP$: Benjamins wasted per ball in play... the top 100 players, all-time, are all Yankees and Dodgers

EVEs:  the EVE statistic is a measure of ribs removed... Hank Blalock leads the majors with 1... it is worthy of note that, in some circles, Sammy Sosa is considered the co-leader with 1 EVE for breaking his rib while sneezing a few years back... however, because of substantial objection from the Commisioner's Office (primarily because no actual rib removal took place), Sammy Sosa reads as "Sammy Sosa*" in the record books

HRHS: a correlation ratio of homeruns to head size, calculated as number of home runs divided by head size... Barry Bonds is the all-time leader with an HR/HS of 1.00.